2010 Christmas Wish List

I’ve decided to put in my Christmas wish list early this year. That way maybe I will get more of what I want. Hey, a guy can try.

1. Another year of heating, air conditioning, refrigerator, dishwasher, and washer and dryer units functioning without any failures or replacement.
2. A full year of no credit card percentage hikes.
3. Another year of periodic plumbing flushing without major system surgery, or re-routing.
4. Another year without having to rewire the house.
5. With the last payment on our hybrid in April, at least a full year without the expensive battery replacement. I know, a bit greedy—dipping into the 2011 wish list.
6. At least one of our three lost ships using its GPS to find a dock, even if still not docking.
7. Ten pounds less than today.
8. A full year without any viruses eating my hard drive.
9. A full year without any viruses, or some obscure incurable disease, eating me, or PJ.
10. Our son’s employment status stable enough so he stays moved out.
11. A successful partial knee replacement for PJ, and a short recovery.
12. Another year of not living in paranoia, or fearing change.
13. Solving at least half of the Los Angeles Times’ Sunday Crosswords, and thereby reducing my cross words.
14. Guy’s Guide to Domestic Engineering book sales beyond expectations.
15. A robust start on another book.
16. Twenty-five new recipes to salivate over. I’ll try many more, but would love twenty-five keepers.
17. Learning to swear in French while watching UCLA sports. The neighbors will be grateful.
18. At least five new life-long friends.
19. Safe travels to multiple reunions—five.
20. Another year of earning the friendship of my friends.
21. A stress-free accommodation to PJ’s retirement and presence in our accommodations 24/7. Merde!
22. Another year of expansive novels with my book club.
23. Another year of thinking outside the box, stretching the envelope, and contributing new clichés.
24. Another year of giving more than I get, despite this lengthy wish list. Are twenty-four too greedy?
25. Peace on earth. Now I am being greedy.

This and That

When there are certain emergencies that require you to dial Men-With-Butt-Cracks, try to avoid scheduling your nap when they occupy your home. You might be able to expand your Mr. Fix-it credentials.

I confess to enjoying the company of my computer while these Bob Vila clones are around, especially if I know there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of my stepping up the next time the same problem occurs. But now and then, I pay attention, thinking, “I can do that.”

I am gaining bravado when it comes to the underpinnings of sinks, kitchen or bathroom—as long as I’m willing to dislocate a shoulder now and then.

Today was one of those days. I cleaned out a mostly clogged pipe under my second kitchen sink. Better yet, my shoulders are intact. Since very few scraps ever go down the backup sink, I have no idea how so much could congeal* there. Calcification, I get. I got rid of most of that as well.

I’m feeling so cocky, I just might tackle replacing a couple roof titles next week, or when the weather dips below 100 degrees. Must be September.

Last week I once again proved why women still need men. PJ had managed to entrap a large cricket under one of my serving bowls. The bowl had been handy in the bathroom because she had used it to soak her fingers. Women go soak themselves a lot. But she needed me to complete that icky task. I captured the cricket with a paper towel, but not so firmly as to harm it. I released it onto our patio table. For some reason it just sat there. I think it was an indoor cricket. I gave it a goose and off it flew into the wilds of Anaheim Hills, and smack dab into the middle of our palm tree. It fluttered to the ground, stunned.

With the current fire infernos in southern California, PJ is looking askance at our fire hazards. That would be our trees and bushes. She is hinting that I begin major trimmings, even if it meant yours truly pretending he is spider-man with a chain saw. Like that could happen. Men over fifty have no business out on limbs, endangering their limbs. I will get three bids. I have learned that what begins with a passing suggestion will erupt into a full-scale assault on my manhood, and time, in a few weeks.

That Tucson-style landscaping is looking better and better. Lower water bills, too.

*Okay so I used a cooking term, congeal, to describe a plumbing problem. It happens to cooks. It could be worse. I could have made a verb out of a noun and said, "...how so much could glob there.” Like that’s never happened before.