Green Guilt Bumps

My most recent newspaper column was entitled It’s Not Easy Being Green. I’m learning how true that is.

Those long-lasting, plastic-replacing Vons supermarket bags I bought are still off the radar screen. In Forrest Gump-speak, I forget some.

During the first twice-a-week food foraging trips, I left the abode without the bags, requiring return trips. Wasted gas. Guilt bumps. Aha, I’ve got it. I’ll permanently place the bags in the backseat.

During the second twice-a-week foraging trips, I left the bags in the backseat - - something about out of sight, out of mind. That’s being charitable. Regardless, more guilt bumps.

Solution - - put the bags in the front seat. If that doesn’t work, I may drape them around my neck. They are a bit big for head-covers.

Vons shopping strategy now operative, my next brain fart was to forget to take a Vons bag on forays to non-Vons stores. I’ll give myself a partial pass, since it seemed gauche to take one food retailer’s bag into another food retailer. Truth is, they don’t care - - no alarm goes off. Still, feeling guilt bumps, I bought two Trader Joe’s bags - - snappier design anyway.

At this rate I’m going to end up with two-dozen bags with six designs. I may give some to PJ. She can accessorize them with her outfits when she ventures out. Why do you think they call them bag ladies?

Besides owning a hybrid, I was hoping this bagging strategy would assuage the guilt bumps I get each weekend when I barbecue. The billowing smoke sets off the alarm at the local fire station.

Efforts such as mine often seem much ado about very little. If the president of the United States in his closing sayonara to the recent Japanese-hosted G-8 summit said, “Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter,” how do I slow that environmental tsunami?

Makes me just burst with pride and want to hum the national anthem.